12.43 AM. I sit here wondering if this blog is read by anyone. If not, then is a good thought. The thing about the Internet is that people (like me) and talk crap and remain anonymous about it.

It is one of those time that I lost my income... again... due to dot com bubble burst. I must say, these are again, critical times of life, where I need to spend more time praying rather and reading the bible. haha... how I miss the mark sometimes to remain thankful for His providence and consistently going back to him to seek greater things.

My gf always said that I am this arrogant person who doesn't want to rely on God on anything and everything. I used to think so too. But I changed. I can't say I am totally not what she said I am, but I think the degree is much less now. I am back in where I was, but this time, I dont worry that much. As I ask myself, what do I have today that I did not receive from God. Nothing , all is from Him. That I may not boost about anything...

So now, I lost my primary income. But thank God, there is something coming from my secondary income. Been doing some small websites thanfully. And how sometimes I wonder that God prepare us for these things to come. I never really went and sell myself to get some websites jobs like this. As always , clients or prospects call up. Never know where they got my phone number from as well.

And third income from hosting? That is pretty minimum. It is yet to break even. Hmmm.. and forth income from a program I joined not long... ST. Well, at least these are still some good buffer to think what to do next.

I guess one of my biggest mistakes in life, is that I never stop and ask God what He thinks about it and tell me what I should be doing next. I love that feeling. I recall doing that when I was in my secondary school. There were times I did not finish studying for my exams. I must admit, I am not the most hardwarking in class either. But thank God that as I learned to submit to Him for direction, He gives me more inspirations in exams.

So now is back to the basics. Remove the schedule, remove the conflicts with my gf , remove the expectations from her parents, remove the pressure of needing to pay for bills, remove the pressure from head hunters to go for interviews, remove the compulsion to just click "Apply Online" on every job site that I come to see, remove the fear of wanting to apply and update my resume when I come to these job sites, remove the pressure from datelines of website project, remove the sadness that so hinder prayer life, remove the slothfulness to commit to God in prayer and petition....hmmm what's left now ?

I guess what is left now, should be pure and holy heart to commit myself to a decent time of reflection, prayer and hearing from the Lord, and reading of His word as well.

Thank you Abba, for the privileged to be called your childern.
Amen